Welcome to The VERB!

We've had a hodgepodge of exercise equipment in our basement for about five years now. In one corner, sits my son's weight-lifting contraption that contorts in all sorts of positions. I don't go near that monster. A few feet away from that, sits a used Bowflex that hubby bought on eBay. I try it now and then, but wind up frustrated with the number of times I have to readjust the seat just to do a new exercise. 

On the other side of the room, stands a banged-up treadmill. It faces a TV and a window that lets in the light. That's my baby. Doesn't matter if rain or snow or blistering heat dwells outside, it's always ready for a spin. On the floor beside the TV, sits an old DVD player that performs its job only if I hold my head just right and say please. But once it gets going, it will play without a hiccup: movies, TV episodes, Tae-Bow, Pilates, Yoga and that handsome exercise guru Gilad. If I prefer to listen to music, I have a decrepit CD player, a MP3 and a set of killer headphones. Oh, there's also a wide ugly rug on the floor with plenty of room to stretch out. 

As you can see, the glaring point here is that I have no excuse not to exercise. But sometimes I still don't. Boredom sets in, and I walk right past the hodgepodge as I make my way to the washer and dryer. Thinking of the big bowl of ice cream I'm going to have for dessert that night. 

Well, the other day, my brain had the bright idea to try something this body has never tried. Jogging? cried my feet and knees. Are you nuts? You don't know how to jog! How would you begin? How long would you do it? And most important, what do you need to do and not do to prevent injuring us?

I found several excellent articles online. I learned that since I'm already a walker, I could immediately add jogging to my repertoire. Two minutes walk, one minute jog, two minutes walk, one minute jog, etc. So I'm getting into it, building up the minutes little by little. But I've stumbled upon a jogging dilemma that none of the experts have covered. What do you do with unwanted passengers? Every time I hop on the treadmill, Simon, my polydactyl cat, comes running. Only he doesn't want to jog, he just wants to sit on my shoulder while I do all the work. Is he attracted to my sweat? My speed? My huffing and puffing? I can't say. But he's this close to becoming an eight-pound hairy barbell. 

HORN-TOOTIN' TIME
Feel free to send in writing news you'd like to share with our readers.

Michael Monkhouse's sketch Art with a Capital F has been recorded and appears on Episode 41 at the adult comedy website Purple Comedy. Michael, this WooHoo! is for you!

Writer/editor BJ Bourg was recently interviewed by his local newspaper, The Lafourche Gazette, and it's now posted on their new website. That's him on the cover of his ezine, Mouth Full of Bullets. Congrats, BJ!

Bram Stoker Award finalist Ralan Conley's first book has just been released. It's a slim volume with full color cover art and six full-page interior black & white illustrations by Jesse Bunch. Read all about Tales of Weupp here and here. Mucho success, Ralan!

And now, without further ado ... turn the page.

Elizabeth Guy
Editor

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This issue 
was published 
under the musical 
influence of

LUDWIG VAN
 BEETHOVEN
 Symphony No. 3 in E flat
 major, op. 55 "Eroica"