Do come in. Please ignore the scattered manuscripts, step over the stacked books and avoid the dog's bone. You have a question, do you? Very well. Ask away, and I shall share my brilliance!

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Why does everybody in the writing industry ask for double-spaced manuscripts?

To drive you mad, of course. Actually, the standard format allows one to post editorial comments on the page while simultaneously preserving one's eyesight. I personally do most of my work on the computer, after I've zoomed in 500%, but others with less intestinal fortitude still prefer paper.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Do I need an agent to sell short stories?

You do not. Markets that accept short stories provide submission guidelines that speak directly to the author. Seek them, read them and follow them. To the letter, mind you!

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
What does "on spec" mean?

This term is the lazy version of "on speculation." It is simply a promise to read your submission. No guarantees.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
What's the difference between a synopsis and a summary?

A summary is a concise statement that identifies the story's main points on one single-spaced page. A synopsis is a concise statement that describes the story chapter by chapter and, depending on the length of the novel, can extend to roughly twenty single-spaced pages. Some agents/editors may dare to disagree with me, so when in doubt—inquire. The key to creating both a summary and a synopsis is to truly understand the word concise.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Do agents reject based on format alone?

Only if they worship Satan. Although green, perfumed paper with weird fonts won't win you any brownie points, curiosity will force most agents to peruse at least the first page. Therefore if you dare to submit an unprofessional manuscript, see to it your first page sends the submittee into bestseller euphoria.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Why can't I write in Second Person?

I don't know, why can't you? Are your hands broken? Ha Ha. That was my idea of a joke. Perhaps you meant to ask: Why is Second Person seldom used? Well, I shall tell you. It's annoying. You, as the author, may write, You walked into the house and looked to your left and you shuddered. I, as a reader, might think, No, I didn't. You did. And stop telling me what to do. I didn't want to go into that house to begin with. In other words, the use of you subconsciously turns the spotlight on moi, the reader. But I, the reader, am the observer, living vicariously through the lead character. Don't talk to me. 

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
How many licks does it take to reach the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Apparently, you're lost. I'll direct you to Google, a search engine that excels in answering all non-writing questions.

Ask Professor Write-A-Lot!