I am Professor Write-A-Lot and I now possess this corner of The VERB because I know everything about writing. See, I have a stick. Only those who know everything about writing are allowed a stick.

Do come in. Please ignore the scattered manuscripts, step over the stacked books and avoid the dog's bone. You have a question, do you? Very well. Ask away, and I shall share my brilliance!

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
A character is running through a dark alley. She hears a horrible sound behind her but doesn't see what's making it. How do I explain what's making the noise?

One must either leave the perspective of the running character or convince the horrible noisemaker to show itself.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
My story revolves around three sisters, and I flip POVs every chapter so the reader can get to know each sister. As it is now, the novel ends on an odd chapter and the youngest sister doesn't get to have a final say. Should I write another chapter so she can speak again and the chapters even out?

Simply for the sake of evening out chapters, no. One should ask, does this youngest sister have anything worthwhile to add? If the story has already ended, if things have arrived at their surprising yet satisfying conclusion, STOP. Write no more.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I've revised my novel considerably and would like to re-submit a query and the first three chapters to my favorite agent. Do I dare?

One should always dare. Odds are she won't remember one’s last query, and if one’s work has changed considerably, she may very well send a different response.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I'm so confused about Conflict, and I'm not sure that my character has enough of it. Can you tell me what constitutes Conflict?

Conflict consists of all that stands in the way of the character attaining that which he desires. If he simply reaches out and grabs it, he knows no struggle, no evolvement, no suspense. And the reader is bored.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I am a new writer, and have just self-published my first book The Invasion, March 2008. How can I market my book?

Ah, the age-old question. One shall soon find that promoting one's book is as time-consuming as writing the thing. It is a vast subject, covered by many, that cannot receive adequate justice here.

What follows, however, are the basics. A highly imaginative author will take these and greatly expand upon them.

Acquire knowledge.
Begin by consulting those who have gone before. Read books/magazines on marketing. Sign up for free newsletters that offer free publicity tips, such as Joan Stewart's The Publicity Hound and Marcia Yudkin's Creative Marketing Solutions.

Find one's audience.
Seek forums, chat rooms, blogs, websites and newsletters that focus on the sci-fi genre. Introduce oneself. Ask questions. Listen and learn.

Alert one's audience.
Do any or all of the following: have a website, post excerpts, create a book trailer, host eBay auctions, offer interviews, begin a blog, create posters, flyers, bumper stickers, construct an attractive email signature that contains book title and ordering information. Do not, however, spam individuals or groups. In all things, be polite.

Most importantly, instill a buzz.
'Tis not enough to announce the release of the book. One must also provide a tantalizing reason to buy it now. What sets one's story apart from all others? What sort of adventure awaits the reader? These are questions only the author can answer. With a bit of brainstorming, and persistence, one should be able to make an irresistible impact on the reading world. Best of luck.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I'm writing a novel about my favorite TV show, Lost. I'm gonna keep the main characters but take them in a completely different direction. What is the right technical term for this?

Fan Fiction, a vibrant genre that thrives on the World Wide Web. The forums encourage writers to post stories and receive feedback, all for free.

This is, of course, derivative fiction and the characters therein are owned by their creators. This means one cannot sell that which one does not own. By all means, visit the sites. Submit one's work. Hone one's writing skills. But if one wishes to make a profit, via a novel, it behooves one to create original content.

Ask Professor Write-A-Lot!