The VERB - March '08

CLEANING UP PROSE

When a character goes to all the trouble to describe a scene, and then denies witnessing it, readers are left scratching their heads. Who's doing the describing?

Stay true to the perspective. If the character doesn't see it, hear it, smell it, feel it or taste it, neither do the readers.

EXAMPLE:
Stunned, I looked away and they went all quiet. I didn't see her blow him a kiss. I didn't see him reach for her hand underneath the table.

CLEANED UP:
Stunned, I looked away and they went all quiet. I watched their reflections in the window. She blew him a kiss. He reached for her hand underneath the table.

EXAMPLE:
Carl's face went blood red. Hands curled into fists, he spat out foul-mouthed threats as if he was still in the boxing ring. At that moment, I wished I could've heard what he was saying.

CLEANED UP:
Carl's face went blood red. Hands curled into fists, he assumed the same body language he used in the boxing ring. At that moment, I wished I could've heard what he was saying.

EXAMPLE:
The train bellowed in the distance, its bright light approaching. Horns blew from the right and left. A dog barked. A child screamed. But I didn't hear any of that.

CLEANED UP:
The train bellowed in the distance, its bright light approaching. Horns blew from the right and left. A dog barked. A child screamed. But I remained on the tracks, unfazed.

OUR CURRENT CONTEST

When storytellers give us good guys, bad guys and at least one conflict, we’re happy. But when storytellers also give us a surprise—when they twist suspenseful plots like salt-water taffy—we hit our foreheads in awe. “Holy cow! I didn’t see that coming!”

It’s a thrill readers never outgrow.

So tilt your perspective, shake your plot and stretch your imagination. Give us a thriller that highlights your skill with the element of surprise.

Entry Fee: Zip

Prize: $100, publication in The VERB and a signed copy of Lee Child's thriller, Persuader

Complete details.

SAMPLE OF EXCELLENCE

CATHERINE
One thing puzzles me, why are you always at such pains to prevent people knowing the truth about you, Sir Robert?

SIR ROBERT
Am I, indeed?

CATHERINE
You know that you are. Why?

SIR ROBERT
Which of us knows the truth about himself?

CATHERINE
That is no answer.

SIR ROBERT
My dear Miss Winslow, are you cross-examining me?

CATHERINE
On this point. Why are you ashamed of your emotions?

SIR ROBERT
To fight a case on emotional grounds is the surest way to lose it.

CATHERINE
Is it?

SIR ROBERT
Emotions cloud the issue. Cold, clear logic wins the day.

CATHERINE
Was it cold, clear logic that made you weep today at the verdict?

SIR ROBERT
I wept today because right had been done.

CATHERINE
Not justice.

SIR ROBERT
No, not justice. Right. Easy to do justice, very hard to do right. Well, now I must leave the witness box. Miss Winslow, I hope I shall see you again. One day perhaps in the House of Commons, up in the Gallery?

CATHERINE
Yes, Sir Robert. In the House of Commons one day, but not up in the Gallery. Across the floor, one day.

SIR ROBERT
You still pursue your feminist activities?

CATHERINE
Oh yes.

SIR ROBERT
Pity. It's a lost cause.

CATHERINE
Oh, do you really think so, Sir Robert? How little you know about women. Goodbye. I doubt that we shall meet again.

SIR ROBERT
Oh, do you really think so, Miss Winslow? How little you know about men.

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