Vague, unsure narrative
appears when a storyteller attempts to pass along information the
characters themselves don't yet know.
The obvious solution is to change POV, but sometimes that isn't
feasible. A less obvious approach is to simply make the character a
bit more observant.
Example
I couldn't take my eyes off him, not even when he found a lighter from
somewhere and held it to my hair.
Cleaned Up
I couldn't take my eyes off him, not even when he found a
lighter from his pocket and held it to my hair.
Example
Amanda followed her into the plush den where the host retrieved a soda
out from somewhere and handed it to her.
Cleaned Up
Amanda followed her into the plush den. Through the mirrors, she
watched the host take out a soda from the tiny refrigerator
beneath the bar.
Example A distant laugh pierced the calm night. Sheriff Phillips kept walking, but braced
himself for an attack. Sure enough, rapid footsteps came up from
behind and something or someone jumped him.
Cleaned Up
A distant laugh pierced the calm night. Sheriff Phillips kept walking, but braced
himself for an attack. Sure enough, rapid footsteps came up from
behind and Rough-Eye Joe jumped him.
Our Current Contest
Your
protagonist is about to have a day. He doesn't know it
yet, but it's going to be a day that, for him, will
live in infamy. A day she will point to, years later, as
the specific moment when something in her soul changed. It can be a
teeny tiny change or it can be a ginormous change. But
it has to occur in the light of day.
The first
line of your story must begin with:
The sun
rose...
The last
line of your story must end with:
...just as
the sun went down.
That which
occurs in between—be
it drama, comedy, mystery, romance, fantasy,
etc.—is
entirely up to you. What changes your dawn character to
the one we shall see at dusk?
$100
Story published in
The Verb Story Opinion,
also published in The Verb
Alice was beginning
to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of
having nothing to do. Once or twice she had peeked into the book
her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations
in it. And what is the use of a book, thought Alice,
without pictures or conversation?
So
she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for
the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the
pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of
getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit
with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very
remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of
the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I
shall be late!" When she thought it over afterwards, it occurred
to her to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed
quite natural. But when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of
its waistcoat pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that
she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat
pocket, or a watch to take out of it...
Your
protagonist is about to have a day. He doesn't know it
yet, but it's going to be a day that, for him, will
live in infamy. A day she will point to, years later, as
the specific moment when something in her soul changed. It can be a
teeny tiny change or it can be a ginormous change. But
it has to occur in the light of day.
So
she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for
the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the
pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of
getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit
with pink eyes ran close by her. 
